I laid on floor in my own blood looking at the ceiling, I was to weak to cry, move or stand up. For three days l laid there sleep deprived, I felt worthless knowing he was right in front of me yet out of my reach.
Anytime I closed my eyes to sleep, I prayed and hoped to meet Dean there but he never came, some part of me felt my mind was playing tricks on me while some part me felt he really came and he really stood in front of me. I always found it hard to keep my eyes opened, It felt like I would die and be woken up again, because before i shot my eyes it always felt like im taking my last breath before Im woken up again.
It happened for those three days, the fourth day I decided to get up from the floor. It took me all i had before I was able lift myself of the floor, I went straight into the bathroom for a shower. The smell of dry blood was so overwhelming, i felt if i didn take a shower i would like the smell a bit to much. What a weird feeling, i thought.
Before I took my bath, i soaked a small white towel in a bowl fill with hot water before placing it in my wrist. i winced in pain but i still continued anyways. The water had turned bright red, so as the towel.
My aching muscles and my throbbing head didn let me see properly, the in thing i knew would help me right now was a cold water bath. And thats what I did,when i was through showering i didn bother putting on clothes. I gather the energy i had to walk to the kitchen in my towel and use the last energy i had to clean the blood of the floor.
I walked to the kitchen sink, turned the tap watching the water rush before drinking it by bending my head side ways and positioning my mouth closer to the water. when i knew i was satisfied i turned of the water and went back to bed.
My daily routine was wake up, regret and then sleep,i didn even have time to because I spent most of my days sleeping. It got to a point where at times I couldn move at all, some part of the nights i would experience sleep paralysis, my body grew weaker by the day.
If I can stab myself to death, I can starve myself. who am I kidding, I thought not able to move my body freely. I laid in my bed like a lifeless corpse No emotions only sadness and regret. My eyes felt heavy again, this time I prayed this could be it.
In my dark void i acknowledged as my new home, i laid on the floor like a lifeless corpse. "Pumpkin", someone called with a familiar voice, but I didn bother to check who it was,i was to tired too.
"Pumpkin" he called again but this time it sounded like pity. "Audrey", he called again this time hestitant but more persistent. I couldn look all the way up but I knew who stood in front of me. "Dad", I called with great difficulty.
"Yes my child", he replied with such sadness in his voice. "Where is mom?", I asked struggling to look up to see his face. "She isn here", he said crouching down to my level, it saved me the stress of trying to sit up. "But why?", I asked disappointed. "She couldn bear to see you in this condition", he said gently caressing my cheek as i still laid on the floor.
"Why are you maltreating yourself?", He asked let go of my cheek before he sat down. "Because there is nothing to leave for", I gave a direct answer finally raising up from my position. "Don say that", dad said giving me a hand so i could sit properly.
"Why shouldn I?", I asked looking at dad with my heavy eyes. "You and mom aren with me, Dean is gone". "Don give up", dad said as he placed his palm on my mine. He brought his hand up to my cheek and then placed a kiss on my forehead, before he stood up.
"Are you leaving?", I asked holding on to the lower part of his trouser. "Yes", he gave a short reply.They was no use stopping him, i knew he had no control over his stay. But i just wish he would be able to stay a little longer so i could feel warm again, so i could feel hope. But it was to go to be through. "Goodbye", I said releasing my hand and placed my head back on the ground.
I woke up with teary eyes "Why am I destined with bad luck?", I whispered,as i slowly lost hope in everything.